Lots of people reminisce about the past.
Lots of people would like to change their past if they could. If we could reverse some things, or maybe even alter it all completely, we all wish we could go back.
I am one of those people. I’m always stuck reminiscing about certain events and spend a copious amount of time on “What Ifs”. It doesn’t matter if I could never do anything about it now. It doesn’t even matter that there is no way to erase my memory of it. For one reason or another, I find myself thinking about things I should bury.
This past month I have realized that I am the biggest obstacle to myself. I’ve said this before, and I’ve known this for quite a long time now but I am the biggest burden I could ever carry around.
My old, unloving and negative self followed me all the way here, to the new place I now consider as my home. I brought it here and began knowingly infecting the foreign neutral spaces around me and didn’t even try to stop myself from losing control. I couldn’t let myself have a fresh start of a clean slate. I just HAD to ruin things for myself and possibly sully what future I may have. This restart was the option I was looking for when I was experiencing hard times and yet—I have spread the gray, unwanted cloud everywhere and I fear that this might infect other people.