I’ve realized that with the title of this post, it makes me look back at those fond memories I have back when I was in grade school and spent 30 minutes to an hour a day in an internet cafe.
Back in the days where solidarity came in the form of a Youtube video compilation of Girls’ Generation’s Sunny with her ‘aegyo cuts’ during variety show guestings, where your main source of fanworks was on Soshipops and the time when several online fan forums (like Sonems (Malaysia-based) and GGPH (now only on Facebook) opened and proactively flourished.
When everyday, I would rely on Sugar Apple’s diligence and visit Wonderful Generation and perused their directories and hungrily clicked on each and every headline that popped up on their homepage.
As hard it is for me to admit how much Girls’ Generation had made me the crazy weeaboo teenager I was, I have to be honest with myself and acknowledge it because of how I leaned on those moments to carry my through the moments when I wasn’t in school (not that I ever did much studying) or at church (…and it’s not like I’m super religious right now either).
It was the only thing that kept me alive and passionate: my love for SNSD.
It was concerning; since I was just a young, impressionable Filipina and wanted to be more socially-acceptable by being “in” the new, “New” thing.
And I went on like that, being highly defensive of how great the girls were/are as a group and as entertainers and as indivdual artists. I was a little girl who insisted everything that they did was pure perfection and even made a collage-folder for one of my fvorite classes consisting of my favorite images of them (which wasn’t that much since this was still 2008).
Suffice to say, it was a very, very interesting time in my life.
Right now, i can say that my love has somewhat tamed down…but I still love and adore them. My whole association with SNSD is the fact that they were part of the times in my life where i was discovering very new and very surprising things about myself that I would have never anticipated had it not been for my love of Mando-Pop (which was what led me to K-Pop in the first place.
I’m definitely a little late on the headline but, I just wanted to put this here because I want to somehow say how much I’m feeling right now – which is a combination of numb/heartbroken. I honestly can’t tell which. And that’s proably for the best; as I have much better things to be busying myself with. Namely, my new day job.
I always wonder what my life would have been had if i hadn’t been obssessed with these nine girls. (Spoiler: I probably would have given up much sooner.) I can thank the wonderful community and the lovely people of the SNSD fandom….my fellow SONES.
They are truly the ones who have made the inclusion of Girls’ Generation (and maybe K-Pop in general) in my life. They have brought out the best and the worst in me; and these are the type of things I would never have realized I had in me in the first place.
I’m not devastated, at the very least not as I was back in 2014 with Jessica and Kris, (with yours truly bawling real-life tears for the later…which now sounds super stupid and super embarassing…which is probably why i’m sharing it on the internet) and this feels like it’s good.
In a way that translates to “I am a normal, functioning semi-adult in the real world.”
And hopeful it is a sign of more normalcy to come. It’s all I’ve ever wanted and maybe it’s time I adjust my pespective on what “normal” really is. Which is very good news to me. I am still figuring it all out, and up until a while ago, I was losing all my marbles trying to keep myself together because of the ceiling trying it’s hardest to close in on me. I’m not saying it’s totally over but hey -I’m giving it my hardest go.
Another thing this sudden piece of news has revelaed to me is that the girls are moving on to different avenues of their lives; attempting to do something other than what they’ve always known and are willing to gamble their careers for it. It makes me think I should adapt to the same kind of mindset. But I can’t say/know for sure.
What I do know is this, I should be proud of my girls and be looking forward to whatever may come and try to look wistfully back at the times these girls have made me laugh, cry and feel things.
And I honestly enjoy feeling things and being a real, live human. For reasons that still baffle me, SNSD helped me be all those things when I was younger.
Whatever happens, I’ll be ready along with all the other sones and continue on chanting, “Right now, tomorrow, and until forever.”