the world is ending: soshi loses three more members


I’ve realized that with the title of this post, it makes me look back at those fond memories I have back when I was in grade school and spent 30 minutes to an hour a day in an internet cafe.

Back in the days where solidarity came in the form of a Youtube video compilation of Girls’ Generation’s Sunny with her ‘aegyo cuts’ during variety show guestings, where your main source of fanworks was on Soshipops and the time when several online fan forums (like Sonems (Malaysia-based) and GGPH (now only on Facebook) opened and proactively flourished.

When everyday, I would rely on Sugar Apple’s diligence and visit Wonderful Generation and perused their directories and hungrily clicked on each and every headline that popped up on their homepage.

Wonderful Generation Subscribe

As hard it is for me to admit how much Girls’ Generation had made me the crazy weeaboo teenager I was, I have to be honest with myself and acknowledge it because of how I leaned on those moments to carry my through the moments when I wasn’t in school (not that I ever did much studying) or at church (…and it’s not like I’m super religious right now either).

I miss the time when everyone used to dress like this.

It was the only thing that kept me alive and passionate: my love for SNSD.

It was concerning; since I was just a young, impressionable Filipina and wanted to be more socially-acceptable by being “in” the new, “New” thing.

And I went on like that, being highly defensive of how great the girls were/are as a group and as entertainers and as indivdual artists. I was a little girl who insisted everything that they did was pure perfection and even made a collage-folder for one of my fvorite classes consisting of my favorite images of them (which wasn’t that much since this was still 2008).

Fourteen-year-old Me to my (slightly annoyed) classmates.

Suffice to say, it was a very, very interesting time in my life.

Right now, i can say that my love has somewhat tamed down…but I still love and adore them. My whole association with SNSD is the fact that they were part of the times in my life where i was discovering very new and very surprising things about myself that I would have never anticipated had it not been for my love of Mando-Pop (which was what led me to K-Pop in the first place.

I’m definitely a little late on the headline but, I just wanted to put this here because I want to somehow say how much I’m feeling right now – which is a combination of numb/heartbroken. I honestly can’t tell which. And that’s proably for the best; as I have much better things to be busying myself with. Namely, my new day job.


I always wonder what my life would have been had if i hadn’t been obssessed with these nine girls. (Spoiler: I probably would have given up much sooner.) I can thank the wonderful community and the lovely people of the SNSD fandom….my fellow SONES.

They are truly the ones who have made the inclusion of Girls’ Generation (and maybe K-Pop in general) in my life. They have brought out the best and the worst in me; and these are the type of things I would never have realized I had in me in the first place.

I’m not devastated, at the very least not as I was back in 2014 with Jessica and Kris, (with yours truly bawling real-life tears for the later…which now sounds super stupid and super embarassing…which is probably why i’m sharing it on the internet) and this feels like it’s good.

In a way that translates to “I am a normal, functioning semi-adult in the real world.”

And hopeful it is a sign of more normalcy to come. It’s all I’ve ever wanted and maybe it’s time I adjust my pespective on what “normal” really is. Which is very good news to me. I am still figuring it all out, and up until a while ago, I was losing all my marbles trying to keep myself together because of the ceiling trying it’s hardest to close in on me. I’m not saying it’s totally over but hey -I’m giving it my hardest go.

Another thing this sudden piece of news has revelaed to me is that the girls are moving on to different avenues of their lives; attempting to do something other than what they’ve always known and are willing to gamble their careers for it. It makes me think I should adapt to the same kind of mindset. But I can’t say/know for sure.

What I do know is this, I should be proud of my girls and be looking forward to whatever may come and try to look wistfully back at the times these girls have made me laugh, cry and feel things.

And I honestly enjoy feeling things and being a real, live human. For reasons that still baffle me, SNSD helped me be all those things when I was younger.


Whatever happens, I’ll be ready along with all the other sones and continue on chanting, “Right now, tomorrow, and until forever.”




the faces you make when reading a fanfic

This is just a short GIF compilation list of what I think are some of the more common “faces” or expressions readers make whenever they’re immersed in a piece of fanfiction or a new book.

Continue reading the faces you make when reading a fanfic

how to spend your days (some tips to curb boredom)

Hey, look! Another post! As I am a habitual procrastinator, this must be commemorated! Maybe I’ll give myself a slice of crumb cake later on. Or maybe I’ll allow myself to have more than 10 pieces of salted pretzels. I’ll probably do both. But more on that later; or never.

I made this list earlier this year, while I was still waiting for my life to begin. I had hoped to do all of them, but so far…(as always) I didn’t even start immediately. Again, if other people or Thought Catalog still has not told you this is a bad idea…I’m telling you now, being a huge lazy-ass bum is a very, very bad idea. 10 out of 10 would not recommend.

Here are some of the things you can do to waste your life spend your time trying to do something other than stare at a blank wall all damn day. Continue reading how to spend your days (some tips to curb boredom)

[august log] limbo kill time (this was supposed to be “july log 2”) 

Well summer’s almost over (there’s literally just a couple of days left smh) and people are milling about, trying to painstakingly gather themselves before the inevitable thrust into busy days in the next couple of weeks. School, jobs and other various occupations. Folks may be feeling excited or nauseous—some even both. There’s a low buzz in the air that’s participating in the anticipation.

In another part of the world, some people are already in the middle of preparing for midterms and re-scheduling enrollments. They’re already settling into either foreign or familiar territory.

And back here, some very hard-working people haven’t really excused themselves from work at all.

Buh-bye Summer of 2017; you will be missed.


As to be expected, life goes on and time trickles by before you can even say, “blink”.

Continue reading [august log] limbo kill time (this was supposed to be “july log 2”) 

[july log 1] is it possible for me to get a do-over?

Lots of people reminisce about the past.

Lots of people would like to change their past if they could. If we could reverse some things, or maybe even alter it all completely, we all wish we could go back.

I am one of those people. I’m always stuck reminiscing about certain events and spend a copious amount of time on “What Ifs”. It doesn’t matter if I could never do anything about it now. It doesn’t even matter that there is no way to erase my memory of it. For one reason or another, I find myself thinking about things I should bury.

This past month I have realized that I am the biggest obstacle to myself. I’ve said this before, and I’ve known this for quite a long time now but I am the biggest burden I could ever carry around.

My old, unloving and negative self followed me all the way here, to the new place I now consider as my home. I brought it here and began knowingly infecting the foreign neutral spaces around me and didn’t even try to stop myself from losing control. I couldn’t let myself have a fresh start of a clean slate. I just HAD to ruin things for myself and possibly sully what future I may have. This restart was the option I was looking for when I was experiencing hard times and yet—I have spread the gray, unwanted cloud everywhere and I fear that this might infect other people.

Continue reading [july log 1] is it possible for me to get a do-over?

BookTubers To Watch Out For This 2017 (Even Though It’s Already May)

I know we’re almost halfway through 2017, but I thought it would be nice to compile a list of BookTube personalities that other people might want to go and check out.

See, I don’t really venture out to religiously watch BookTubers as I do with Dan and Phil, Janna Tew and The Pin-Up Companion. So I see this as a way to discover new people who might give me new recs for reading and book subscription boxes.

Continue reading BookTubers To Watch Out For This 2017 (Even Though It’s Already May)